I love living in Oxford. To be more accurate, I love living in East Oxford, just off the Cowley Road. Despite my own prejudices, it's nowhere near as poncey as I though it would be. There are real & lovely people here - many of them aren't even white privileged men. And I'm a stone's throw away from inspirational architecture, and many beautiful parks and open spaces. So, I hear you cry, what's not to like. Well, let me tell you ...
Annoying posh twats
That's it. Right there. In three words. But let me explain some more. After all, a problem shared is ... Umm, still a rant ...
Magdalen: Whether it's Magdalen College, Bridge, or Road. It's pronounced Mag-Del-in. Not Moored-Lynn. Say it how it's spelled, or don't say it at all.
Isis: It's not the Isis - it's the River Thames. I don't care how special you think you are, you have no right to give the river a new name. It's the Thames, That's what it's called before it comes into Oxford, and also what it's called when it comes out of Oxford. Therefore, it's the Thames when it goes through Oxford. Please just stop with your "I'm so special that everything around me needs a special name" crap. You're not special - you're a twat.
Terms: So you, students (yes, I'm looking at you) call your terms Michaelmas, Hilary, and Trinity. And you expect the rest of us, that didn't attend Oxbridge (or, as you'd prefer, Oxford and 'the other place") establishments to know and respect this? Well, I will do so. But only if you respect my background and acknowledge yourself to be a twat and others to be normal people who talk about autumn, spring, and summer terms.
Costumes: You really wear mortarboards and capes? You actually do! And I've even seen some of you playing Quidditch in the park. Get a grip, and just stop this foolish behaviour. FFS, we're in the twenty-first century. Despite what you've learnt in your highly privileged education, wizards and magic are not real things. JK Rowling wrote some pieces of fiction, not a guide as to how to live your life.
Twattery: I spend most of my time in East Oxford, and meet many students. By and large they're lovely people. However, every now and then I venture into town. And ... oh dear. There really are people that walk around in top hat and tails. With your champers and superior attitude. I've seen you (normally when I pop out of a pub for a fag*). You actual or wanna be Bulligindon Club boys (with the Bullingdon Club women hangers-on. Obviously the women could be in the Club, if only ... the horror, the horror). You are the people that make me feel embarrassed to be part of Oxford. I do all I can to save my inconsiderable anger about Oxford for you - after all, you're worth it. You are cunts.
* By fag I mean a cigarette. Not, as you may do, the person that you bully in preparation for shitting on those you perceive to be below you.
Other than this, I love Oxford!
Original image by the wonderful @jeffwni.
[This post inspired by @Beakmoo - although all content is my own fault]
