Honey, I love you. But you need to understand

My regular reader will know I'm both a man of the world, though actually quite bashful. So imagine how I got on when I was asked to explain what Love Honey was to a young person. Here's how I did it ...
Love Honey

See, when a lady* is stepping out with a gentleman** they sometimes have to spend time apart. At these times, they often miss each other. Deeply. Rather than being sad and crying a lot, they sometimes buy little toy friends from Lovehoney to keep them company. These toys are just like yours. Some need batteries, some don't. Some might be just like dressing up as a lady* or another animal***. Some make people scream with the whole excitement of them, just like you unwrapping your presents at Christmas.

Sometimes, mummies**** and daddies**** also have to be apart. And they make up for missing each other in the same way. And sometimes, whether they're stepping out**** or married****, a lady* and a gentlemen** will want to share their toys with each other. And that's why you heard screaming last night. And why your robot has run out of batteries.


* or gentleman or transgendered person.
** or lady or transgendered person.
*** Am I being speciest?
**** enough with the gender neutral / relationship PC, you get what I mean.