Best thing since sliced bread

I recently recieved an email asking me to review a toaster.

The email wasn't as random as all that seeing as I had just bought a toaster. I would normally ignore such an email, but apparently I would also be entered into a prize draw to win £500 for my review. And I am a sucker for free prize draws. So I thought I's write a review.

Writing should come second nature to me. My job often involves conveying fairly complex ideas into engaging prose that can be easily understood by everybody. But what on earth is there to say about a toaster? It makes toast - that's it. It's a classic example of a one purpose tool. After staring at the screen for a while, and seeing may chances of winning £500 rapidly fading, I realised that I needed to invert my normal writing approach, and make something simple more complex. So here's what I came up with:

Previous to my purchase, I used a grill for toasting. This meant my kitchen work tops were clutter free, but the grill was an expensive way to transform bread into toast. So I thought I would enter the 21st century, and accept a certain amount of clutter and fork out the cash for this stylish bread to toast converter. Given the price, the toaster performs its role extremely well. I especially like the simplicity - but bread in, pull lever, wait ... toast is created. How cool is that!

My one criticism is that I have noticed whichever side of the toast I butter, the butter melts! What's that all about? It didn't used to happen when I used my grill. I wonder if this is a fault with my toaster, or if there is a fundamental flaw in the design?

Much to my surprise, the review actually got published.

Afterwards I realised that a fair better review would have just read "This toaster is the best thing since sliced bread."

Disclaimer: This post has not been sponsored by the Toast Marketing Board.